Ok, this is going to be a first, but…

This post has been written whilst I’ve been steaming pissed, so, apologies for spelling, grammatical and moral mistakes. By moral mistakes, I mean the high chance of swear words.

If people want to know and understand the reason for my depression, it is simple. I’m scared.

I’m scared of what this world is becoming, maybe not for me, but for my kids. With everything going on in the world, terrorism, in-school violence and just generally the shitty attitude people adopt to each other makes this world a scary place.

We read constantly about the threat of terrorist attacks, the so called Russian threats etc etc, and I’m sick of it to the point it weighs heavy.

I’ve been fearful of writing this post for sometime and this will also explain the lack of motivation for doing anything.
I’ve said before, that this blog is my psychological outlet, and though it doesn’t get updated much, I vent a lot of frustration, anger and fear through this blog.

With recent attacks in Paris, France and the threats of more to come, it worries me, it worries me to the point that things get neglected.
Currently, I find it difficult to concentrate on most things, and the simplest of “online” tasks become arduous and increasingly frustrating.

Depression is a very difficult thing to talk about, and in my situation, I am trying my best to do what I need to do.

I have neglected friends and family that have helped me, and please understand, if any of my family and/or friends are reading this, it isn’t intentional and I apologize if you feel that I have ‘used’ you. I haven’t. I am battling with depression.

It’s hard to try and think of what to say without facing ridicule and people wishing to take the piss.
I try my hardest to get through each day, and some are easier than others. I wish people could try and understand, but as I have always said, regards depression, no-one feels it more than the person going through it. What one person thinks is ‘ok’, another thinks it is the worst thing ever. You are trapped in your own bubble of sadness, often feeling guilty for feeling emotions such as joy which then brings you back down again.

I can’t even begin to ask people to understand, nor can I write exactly how I feel.
To the people who know me, I thank you for your support, despite my rejections.

I’m sat here at my keyboard, not knowing what to type, and thinking if the stuff that I already have written makes any sense.

I’ll close this post with the explanation that as I have previously said, it’s not a cry for help, I’m not suicidal, I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want anything but to feel ‘normal’, and this is something I need sort on my own. I have a loving family and so far, this is/has been enough to get me through each day as much as I do.

Please don’t treat me any different, please don’t ask me to explain face-to-face and please don’t judge me. My feelings are my own and I don’t expect people to fully understand them, but I ask they respect them no matter how odd or confusing they maybe.

Again, apologies to the grammar/spelling police, and certainly for any profanities.

~ Roy

I am absolutely fuming to say the least…

As people close to me may know, a member of my family (father) is going through the agonising torment that is an ATOS medical.
In short, anyone that is looking at migrating the Incapacity Benefit over to ESA (Employment Support Allowance) have to go through a shambolic medical assessment.
The so called medical professional, have done nothing short of lie, fabricated and twist anything and everything they could on father’s assessment.

It is disgusting the shear depths they will goto to prevent someone from claiming this benefit. The assessor my father had the misfortune to encounter came across as the perfect medical assessor. Curtious, polite and even seemed to show empathy for my father’s condition, even “cried” at one stage. Turns out she was a total bitch, clever in deception and clearly thinking of the pound signs. Words can’t express the anger and hatred I feel towards that smug little bitch behind her desk….grrrrrr
Anyway, we recieved the ESA85, the form that this, person, had compiled.
To name a few “problems” with the report;

  • Wrongly documenting my father medication, purposely I might add. Medication was shown which included dosage, type and side effects. Medication was halfed, and “apparently” no side effects for the type of medication.
  • Assumed on several points what my father is capable of, under the mental cognitive descriptors, some never even answered on the form.
  • Inconsistant and misleading information entered onto form, such as; Able to walk 200 metres with 5-6 stops at 5 minutes rest time, but then later suggests can walk 400 metres with 6-7 stops at 5 minutes rest time…You work out the math on that one.
  • Assumed that my Father takes my children (at time of writing 8 years old and 8 month old) to the park to play. A couple of points there; A) He’s my father, I love him to bits, but there is no way in hell would I allow him to take my children to the park. B) My father would be unable to supervise or play with them and be aware of dangers to himself, never mind my children.
  • Assumed that my father is able to do 2 consecutive personal actions without problems. One example I have that my father is unable to do, seperate washing in to appropriate loads ie color, temp types etc, then take the to the washing machine and set the program. Another example, looking in the fridge or pantry etc, noticing what items are needed, jotting them down then going to the shops and getting the items from the list.
  • Lies, of one example “suffers from breathing difficulties as a result of an operation in regards to a Haitus Hernia, no specialist input”, yet on the next line “Has a prescribed inhaler for breathing difficulties.” How the hell can you not have specialist input, and get a PRESCRIBED inhaler? Also, my father has regular “Breathing” reviews regards to this condition.
  • Apparently is able to write short messages and convey them to strangers. A) Not sure how they tested this one, as my father was never asked or completed a “test” to jog anything down, or relate that information back. But in short, my father cannot even have a conversation and tell you five minutes later what it was about.

In short, the list goes on.
I’ve also read today that those arseholes at ATOS are getting bonuses for getting people thrown off benefits, in addition, these so called heath-care professionals are not qualified in the field they are supposed to when dealing with clients, ie Mental Registered Nurse for clients with mental disorders etc. But try questioning one of the qualifications and you’re asking for a whole heap of trouble.
They are systematically destroying people’s lives.
This country has gone to shit since this new coalition came in.
I don’t normally swear in extreme ways, but they are total fucking bastards!

If anyone out there reading this post in in the UK and going through the hellish onslaught of these self-centred, greedy & heartless bastards, and needing help, please visit;
dwpexamination.org
They offer a world of expertise and experience from people who have gone through these problems, and certainly the people on there are an invaluable resource for dealing with these bastards.

I know I’m not doing this for myself, but certainly, I’m really feeling the stress of it all. If I’m being brutally honest, I think my dad will end up back in hospital. Not a nice thought.

The joys and woes of the internet and ISPs

Where do I start?

For the reference of this post, I will replace the name of my Internet Service Provider, simply with <My ISP>.

Lets slag off <My ISP> seeing as this company is the one who has most pissed me off this week.

Read more The joys and woes of the internet and ISPs