Hello there… 

As you can probably tell,  I aint been doing much in the way of keeping this blog up to date. 

Truth be known, I have been hard at working planning, prepping and generally editing RBCJ Hub v2. I have literally been “burning the candles” at both ends over these last few months. 

All this couples with the kids being off school due to summer break and visiting the hospital,  it’s been exhausting. 

On that note,  I’m off to bed as it’s  2.28am and I’ve got (yet another)  blood test at the hospital. 

It’s been a while. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that this is the darker side of RBCJHub.  Tbh,  this blog is a reflection of my life,  my troubles,  well basically the single entity that is “Me”.

I absorb myself with so much these days, that this “personal” blog rarely gets updated,  but this doesnt stop life encounters I have of course. 

Ok, this is going to be a first, but…

This post has been written whilst I’ve been steaming pissed, so, apologies for spelling, grammatical and moral mistakes. By moral mistakes, I mean the high chance of swear words.

If people want to know and understand the reason for my depression, it is simple. I’m scared.

I’m scared of what this world is becoming, maybe not for me, but for my kids. With everything going on in the world, terrorism, in-school violence and just generally the shitty attitude people adopt to each other makes this world a scary place.

We read constantly about the threat of terrorist attacks, the so called Russian threats etc etc, and I’m sick of it to the point it weighs heavy.

I’ve been fearful of writing this post for sometime and this will also explain the lack of motivation for doing anything.
I’ve said before, that this blog is my psychological outlet, and though it doesn’t get updated much, I vent a lot of frustration, anger and fear through this blog.

With recent attacks in Paris, France and the threats of more to come, it worries me, it worries me to the point that things get neglected.
Currently, I find it difficult to concentrate on most things, and the simplest of “online” tasks become arduous and increasingly frustrating.

Depression is a very difficult thing to talk about, and in my situation, I am trying my best to do what I need to do.

I have neglected friends and family that have helped me, and please understand, if any of my family and/or friends are reading this, it isn’t intentional and I apologize if you feel that I have ‘used’ you. I haven’t. I am battling with depression.

It’s hard to try and think of what to say without facing ridicule and people wishing to take the piss.
I try my hardest to get through each day, and some are easier than others. I wish people could try and understand, but as I have always said, regards depression, no-one feels it more than the person going through it. What one person thinks is ‘ok’, another thinks it is the worst thing ever. You are trapped in your own bubble of sadness, often feeling guilty for feeling emotions such as joy which then brings you back down again.

I can’t even begin to ask people to understand, nor can I write exactly how I feel.
To the people who know me, I thank you for your support, despite my rejections.

I’m sat here at my keyboard, not knowing what to type, and thinking if the stuff that I already have written makes any sense.

I’ll close this post with the explanation that as I have previously said, it’s not a cry for help, I’m not suicidal, I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want anything but to feel ‘normal’, and this is something I need sort on my own. I have a loving family and so far, this is/has been enough to get me through each day as much as I do.

Please don’t treat me any different, please don’t ask me to explain face-to-face and please don’t judge me. My feelings are my own and I don’t expect people to fully understand them, but I ask they respect them no matter how odd or confusing they maybe.

Again, apologies to the grammar/spelling police, and certainly for any profanities.

~ Roy

Hi All,

Long time no see…
Well, truth is, I’ve been a little self absorbed.
Ultimately trying to sort my head out.

Those who know me will know that from time to time I go through phases where I pretty much think “Screw it all!”.

Over these last few months, it has been one of those times and even now I’m having trouble focusing on things I really should be.

This blog is the only place where I feel I can speak openly and freely without ridicule or judgment.
At the moment, I’m just concentrating on being me, rather than trying to please people all the time.

I’m not very good and speaking in the fullest abouts my feelings etc, but a little part of my emotions comes out one in a while in posts etc.
Nobody likes to read the rantings of a moaner I guess, and thats probably why everyone tends to see me as “fun loving” Roy which sometimes is a strain in itself.

Anywhoo, this is the way I deal with things, so thats that off my chest 🙂

I must really get my arse into gear an work on the site lol

Regards

Roy

More updates…

Finally, I have sorted through the majority of the “Funny” images I have on my hard disks. The next job is to go through the CD-ROMS!!!
They are now online over at chuckles.rbcj-hub.co.uk if you fancy having a “chuckles” :o)

A few updates behind the scenes have been inputted, making the site a little safer and stable.
At this moment in time, this is all I have to report lol

For now, I’m off to bed…nitey nite

PS Before I forget, a number of things within this blog will be transferred over to the main RBCJ Hub as I’m trying to minimize duplicate entries (such as rants, images and other writings) and regain a little space, not that I need it at the moment…
;o)

Updates

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Kindest Regards

Beliefs

What are my beliefs?

Please only read this if you have an open mind.

If you are closed minded, the rest will on seek to confuse… :o)

A simple question which I seem to have had in a number of emails asking me this over my life on the net.

Why?, I am not really sure, but I though I would delve into this and see what transpires.

From time to time, I do this, and sometimes sit and think about things, just pointless, meaningless things the blossom into bigger things.

There are a number of beliefs I have, so I’ll break them down;

  • Paranormal – Ghosts, the afterlife.I must admit, I’m part skeptic, part believer, and there are a number of reasons behind this. Whilst some strange, unexplainable things have happened to my family and I over the years, I am not convinced of the “be all and end all” explanation that this is paranormal. But I cannot believe that simply as we die, that this is absolute. Whilst we all love a good ghost story, it is sometimes hard to distinguish the “urban myth” to actual events.

    One of my beliefs is that, a traumatic or a sudden, unexpected death causes your spirit to be caught in the passing from one world to the next.

    The lingering form endlessly re-enacting the events that caused them to pass over, or simply a tormented soul trying to come to terms with the fact they have passed over. Another is that a strong bond over loved ones, keeps our presence earth bound, in order to watch over, protect them, if you will, a guardian angel if you will.

    What ever you believe or don’t believe, these are the thoughts and beliefs I have, and whilst I am more than happy to discuss this further, I will silence this part for now, as there are exponential avenues I could discuss and debate.

    As a closing statement, I have had some personal experiences which again, I cannot confirm if they are paranormal or not, but I will be posting them on this blog shortly under a new category called “Strange – But True?” (nothing to do with the hit 8os TV show with Michael Aspell!)

  • UFOs/AliensWhilst the humorous thought of little green men, spaceships and a handful of SCIFI films will ALWAYS draw me in, I ask;

    “Is the human race really that ignorant to think we are the only intelligent life in this universe?”

    Honest answer, I bet the masses would say “Yes”.

    Sure, it will always be argued, “if they do exist, why don’t they make themselves known”.

    Well, really, if I was an alien who had spent time watching, analysing, researching the human race, I would have to say “NO”.

    Why would I want to make myself known to a race of self-destructive, “shoot first, ask later” and “destroy anything new or that we fail to understand” beings?

    Personally, I may have seen something unexplained in the night sky, which admittedly, I do dismiss more easily compared to paranormal instances. Some things I can’t, so easily, but this only re-enforces my beliefs. I am not here to convince, only to share.

  • Witchcraft, Wizardry and VoodooIn my younger days, I studied these subjects. Strange, yes, interesting, yes, do I believe in any of these?, not to the extent that I would have some believe.

    Whilst the majority could and would be conceived as superstition, folklore and bedtime reading, I do believe that there are forces that should not be dealt in. That’s all I would say on that matter.

  • Demons & Creatures of the Dark From the Nosferatu to Djinn, from Murmur to Volac, yes I believe, and yes I have a keen interest in Demonology. Nuff sed!

For now, thanks for reading, and if I have stirred anything in your mind, feel free to email me

webmaster@rbcsoftware.me.uk