One step forward…

two steps back.
Thats how things are feeling at the moment…
Got a lot, and I mean A LOT, swimming around my head at the moment and can’t seem to shake off this low state of mind.

I’ll keep writing as much as I can, purely for my own benefit, it helps get things of my chest.

I just there will be some resolution to all this stress. Its hard to concentrate on even the basic of things, and when all the days feel the same, thats when it starts to get to the point where I thinkg “Why bother!”.
I can’t seem to enjoy things to their fullest at the moment. Still, gotta keep plodding on right?

Yey! Finally

Well, “main backup” has been recovered to an alternate drive.
The curious thing was, apparently the drive had a corrupt file system ultimately leading to drive being reported as “RAW” format, or “limbo” state as I call it.
I was offered some hope recovering the disk using “sudo ntfsfix /dev/sdc” via the terminal in ubuntu (as I have my laptop duel booting).

This didn’t work and ubuntu reported to use chkdsk. I couldn’t use this as Windows could not access the drive in the first place. Back to square one!

I finally resolved the issue using ZAR “Zero Assumption Recovery”
Only issue was the free version only allows 1Gb of file recovery, and the drive was full at 74Gb (80Gb, but as always file system etc etc lowers it)
So, after several hours the drive had been completely scanned, verified & recovered.
Joy!
The drive is now being prepped for scanning and formatting procedures and should be back up and running shortly. Yey!

After all that side tracking, I can get back to the more important things, like the site :0)

Sorry… [Please Read]

Sometimes, there are times when action cannot be expressed and words can only follow.
What you are about to read, is how I feel. I am not on the verges of suicide and I am not in need of counselling.
I cannot explain why I wrote this, nor do I wish to try.
I can only say, if it makes sense to you, the reader, then you are the same as I.

Thank you for reading.

Sat here thinking the things I think, I can’t help but wonder.
No, it’s not the beginning of a fancy poem or some other intellectual writings, merely an awakening to hows things were, are and how they will be.

Sometimes, life is hard and it bites back harder than I.
And sometimes the knocks are not so easily returned from. But the small things in life we often take for granted, get left behind, with no hope of being found again.
For this is the place where I find myself at, at this time.
The knocks are hard, and the harshness of bitter words are more hurtful than the sharpest of blades, and yet life continues.
Maybe it is the wine talking through my fingers or just the time where I feel only sorrow, I grasp at these words so dearly.

I’m sorry for the things I’ve done, the things I haven’t and the things I should have.
I am but one person, whos life has been tainted, with whom the closest cannot comprehend.
I’m sorry for the way I act, and the shame I hide.
I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused, and the twisted words I’ve uttered.
I can only explain that, the life I lead is like a sealed chamber, bashing against the sides, trying to be heard, but failing to address the onlookers.
Intolerably lonley whilst in a crowded room, deafened by the silence and blinded by all there is to see.

Whilst some may wonder, what am I talking about, and others may laugh at the words I’ve typed, as anything if life that is to be understood, no-one feels it greater than the one who understands.

And as I type, I could be considered not in a fit state, to wonder if grammer has been adhered to, and that spelling is correct. I just sit here quiet.
Wondering.
Always wondering.”

-Roy-