Ok, this is going to be a first, but…

This post has been written whilst I’ve been steaming pissed, so, apologies for spelling, grammatical and moral mistakes. By moral mistakes, I mean the high chance of swear words.

If people want to know and understand the reason for my depression, it is simple. I’m scared.

I’m scared of what this world is becoming, maybe not for me, but for my kids. With everything going on in the world, terrorism, in-school violence and just generally the shitty attitude people adopt to each other makes this world a scary place.

We read constantly about the threat of terrorist attacks, the so called Russian threats etc etc, and I’m sick of it to the point it weighs heavy.

I’ve been fearful of writing this post for sometime and this will also explain the lack of motivation for doing anything.
I’ve said before, that this blog is my psychological outlet, and though it doesn’t get updated much, I vent a lot of frustration, anger and fear through this blog.

With recent attacks in Paris, France and the threats of more to come, it worries me, it worries me to the point that things get neglected.
Currently, I find it difficult to concentrate on most things, and the simplest of “online” tasks become arduous and increasingly frustrating.

Depression is a very difficult thing to talk about, and in my situation, I am trying my best to do what I need to do.

I have neglected friends and family that have helped me, and please understand, if any of my family and/or friends are reading this, it isn’t intentional and I apologize if you feel that I have ‘used’ you. I haven’t. I am battling with depression.

It’s hard to try and think of what to say without facing ridicule and people wishing to take the piss.
I try my hardest to get through each day, and some are easier than others. I wish people could try and understand, but as I have always said, regards depression, no-one feels it more than the person going through it. What one person thinks is ‘ok’, another thinks it is the worst thing ever. You are trapped in your own bubble of sadness, often feeling guilty for feeling emotions such as joy which then brings you back down again.

I can’t even begin to ask people to understand, nor can I write exactly how I feel.
To the people who know me, I thank you for your support, despite my rejections.

I’m sat here at my keyboard, not knowing what to type, and thinking if the stuff that I already have written makes any sense.

I’ll close this post with the explanation that as I have previously said, it’s not a cry for help, I’m not suicidal, I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want anything but to feel ‘normal’, and this is something I need sort on my own. I have a loving family and so far, this is/has been enough to get me through each day as much as I do.

Please don’t treat me any different, please don’t ask me to explain face-to-face and please don’t judge me. My feelings are my own and I don’t expect people to fully understand them, but I ask they respect them no matter how odd or confusing they maybe.

Again, apologies to the grammar/spelling police, and certainly for any profanities.

~ Roy

Here I am again…

I’ve slowly started getting back into my domain again.
I’ve started by blowing the dust of my Ubuntu system, giving it a good clean and update and then started to look at my domain.

Anybody who knows me will tend to realize I am quite a quiet person, who will very rarely share personal thoughts or go into detail about the things that affect me.
Needless to say, this is one of those times again, where I have had to pull myself out off a spell of depression.
I dare say I am not fully out of it, and it is probably one of the longest periods of depression I have faced to date.
I’m not going to go into mega amounts of detail, and I will stress that this and previous posts are not a cry out for help, it’s not a sympathy vote, it is merely the way I cope with things, a release if you will.
Never the less, hopefully, I will be engaging more with the domain and I may end up picking up old software projects and see if I can’t give it a new lease of life.

Right now, I am looking at my site and thinking “does that need to be there”.
I’ve said it before, countless times that the site lacks direction and purpose.

I have too many things on the go and I’m finding it impossible to do it all. From additions to updates I am failing.

So whilst the site itself may seem a little redundant and very little changes, behind the scenes I am tackling the tough decisions of what to keep and what to axe.
The main reason I have that many things on the go with the domain is purely because I like the software. It may sound strange, but I like to learn new things, so installing new software to try out and learn is mainly the reason I do it in the first place.

So, the plan is, is to cut down on the crap, shave down what I’ll keep and stick to some sort of order that is manageable and not critically time-consuming.

As always to the people who regularly visit or contact me, thank you.

Ever wondered?

Ever wondered….

  1. If a cowboy got the sack, would he be de-ranged?
  2. If a pig lost is voice would it be disgruntled?
  3. Why a bank charges you more of the thing you don’t have?
  4. Why does slow up and slow down mean the same thing?
  5. How the A-Team manage to make some weird and wonderful device, in a garden shed?
  6. If a fly lost both its wings, would it be a “walk”?
  7. If two 2s are called twenty two, why isn’t two ones called one-ty one?
  8. If its women and children first in the event of an accident, where do transvestites come?
  9. If a lesbians use an imitation penis, are they really a lesbian?
  10. Why is “Dyslexia” so hard to spell?
  11. When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man its £1.50 a minute?
  12. Is the person who invented the word “Lisp” cruel?
  13. Why does a 24 hour/365 days a year garage have locks on the doors?
  14. Who determins if Santa Claus has been good enough to get a present at Christmas?
  15. Why do dogs get angry when you blow their face, yet they stick their head out of a car going 40mph?
  16. Why don’t sheep shrink in the rain?
  17. Is it possible to dig half a hole?
  18. If its called a Doctor’s Practice, wouldn’t you get a little nervous?
  19. If a tortoise loses its shell, is it homeless?
  20. If someone’s suffers from a multiple personality syndrome and threatens to kill themselves, is it a hostage situation?
  21. Is it considered “group sex” if you have intercourse with a person suffering from schizophrenia?
  22. Why are they called stairs on the inside, but steps on the outside?
  23. Why does a gynecologist leave the room for a woman to undress?
  24. Why does bottles of spring water that has flowed through mountains and volcanoes for centuries have a
    sell-by-date on?
  25. Why is it glamorous and erotic for a women to use a sex aids, yet if a man uses them, its pathetic?
  26. If you farted in space, would it smell?
  27. How come flys dodge so quick when you try to splat them, yet they see a car wide screen and fly right at it?
  28. If the 1980s were the 80s, and 1990s called the 90s, what do we call 2000, the naughties?
  29. Shouldn’t a tele-phone have a tv screen?
  30. If its cutting edge technology, how comes its obsolete in a few months?
  31. If a parsley farmer lost his job, would they garnish his wages?
  32. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
  33. Why do the make sure they use a sterile needle for the lethal injection?
  34. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  35. If you choked a smurf, what color would it go?
  36. If olive oil is made from olives, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, where does baby oil come from?
  37. If a space craft is traveling at the speed of light, what happens when you turn the lights on?
  38. If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
  39. If the black box is indestructable, why don’t they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?
  40. Why is it still called “Kidnap” when it happens to adults?
  41. In wrestling, why is it called a “ring” when its clearly a square?
  42. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns your bread?
  43. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of its container?
  44. When the French swear, do they say “Pardon my English”?
  45. Why is it, that no matter what color your bubble bath, the bubbles are always white?
  46. Would a Jewish person be in contempt of court because he can’t swear in the bible?
  47. If someone is addicted to counselling, how do you treat them?
  48. Why does noone ever say “a boat” when asked, what three things would you take on a desert island?
  49. If a person had one eye, are they blinking or winking?
  50. Can fish cry?

How many of these can fit into your work?

Business Rules, or at least they can be associated with the job you work in!

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and most days the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the fuck is the ceiling?

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Everyone is someone else’s weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

Don’t be irreplaceable – if you can’t be replaced, you won’t be promoted.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous’.

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of the cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Proof that light travels faster than sound, someone may look intelligent, until they open their mouth.

Its one of those posts again…

Yup, thats right!
Its one of those posts where all I do is piss and moan for about ten minutes just to air things and get them off my chest.

First, I cant believe how utterly self centred, egotistical, self-righteous and “up their own arse” some people can get.
This is aimed at no one in particular, but certainly to some people I know.
What gives these people the right to act the way they do?
Are they so morbidly stupid?
These people, who couldn’t find their arse with both hands and a diagram totally eludes me.
How the hell they have got through life is beyond me.

Its bad enough to endure these arseholes, but then to read the shite they write on social networking sites, or even on my blog wall, thats another thing!

So if you know of an arsehole, or you are one;
“Stop breathing, for chuff’s sake!”

Which brings me to my next bit of rant tackle.
I recently, well, a couple of months ago recieved an email, slagging me off, and my site etc.

So please excuse the language, but this is word for word this guys email.
Firstly, a bit of background. This guy with the username of “CandyFlosser” actual name of Lee (Surname omitted) emails me.
Again, word for word…

CandyFlosser:
“Yours site is the worst I have ever cum acros. I surfed in from Google expecting something major about what I was searching for.
All you do is write bolox, complaining about everything. I dont understand how you can get away with riting this and then putting onto the net where you show yourself up.
This is a watse of space and your site should be brought down coz its wank!
I’ve seen your photos and you are a right ugly bastard and you need shooting and you art work is shit as well. I can draw better than that in fact my dog cud!
I’m not wasting anymore time on this matter but to finish;

Your site is nothing more than bullshit, by someone who talks shit and eats shit”

My reponse:
“Interestingly enough, the way that you conduct yourself within email is nothing short of comical. Lets put aside for one moment, the spelling mistakes, grammer issues and the non-sensical crap, lets look at the points here.

1) You write bolox. True, because I can! It is my domain, my blog therefore I write what I want. You see how this works?
2) You show yourself up?! Well, having broadcast your email on here, I think my reign as “person showing themselves up” is under threat from your good self.
3) I’ve seen your photos and you are a right ugly bastard and you need shooting. Before we delve into the realms of who looks like what/who, lets have a photo of yourself. Hell, I might even be able to compare myself to you!
4) you art work is shit as well Assuming you mean “your” art work is shit, it may well be, I’m just sharing what I can do. Did I also mention I can fart the national anthem?

In short, Mr CandyTosser, (oops sorry, even I slip on the keyboard every now and again!), in light of the fact that you are mentally flawed I shall try and explain this to the best of YOUR ability.
Having colated the facts, it is apparent that you are nothing more than a boy, sat in his bedroom, bored due to having no friends or a social life. As a caring person my first instinct would be to protect you from yourself. However, after much though I have decided to shoot you down!
I must commend the fact that even with someone with the same intellectual capacity as a clothes peg, such as yourself, it is worth knowing and recognizing that you have been able to write such simple words, and almost make them make sense.
You have clearly taken time to visit my site, navigate through what I have to offer and made your feelings known. But, the main thing you have failed to realize, thanks to people such as your good self I get paid. So a hearty handshake and a “Thank you” goes out to you.
I never confess to being something I am not. I am no model, or super star nor a great artist or composer, I am merely me.

Anyway Lee (surname omitted), I have done a little research and found you on MySpace (and you call me ugly, geez man!), and for your convenience I have passed on your details to your ISP as I have lodged a complaint with them, explaining that you are abusing their service.

Thank you for taking time out to email me and give me something to do and muse about. I hope santa brings everything you want the Christmas, providing you’ve been a good boy.
Kindest regards

Roy

PS. Didn’t like to mention it but have you ever considered counselling, or maybe getting out more?”

So there you have it my friends. Proof that arseholes exist…Case closed!

Back to work tomorrow…

Back to work tomorrow ūüôĀ
Late shift ūüôĀ
My god, shoot me now, roll next weekend, three days off!
Hope weather lasts,planning a barby!

Unfortunatly, at the moment there is nothing really I can report. I have spent far too many many hours download apps to my new Iphone.
A with anything I do, I shall reporting back on some of the better apps out there, and will be providing screen shots, now I know how to do it on the Iphone itself.
One of the best apps I’ve come across is aging booth. It take a photo, and makes the person in it age.

For example;

Yeah, the first pic is pretty freaky on its own, without the aid of aging software…!

The wonderful world of Facebook apps

Being a regular user to Facebook, I cant help but notice the shear amount of activity revolving around applications.
Now, I must admit, back in the hay day when Facebook was still in nappies, I played an application called “Poo-Fight”.

It did exactly as it did on the tin!
You earn points to unlock further turds to hurl at your friends.
The amusement of which soon wore off.
Nowadays, I see a consent barrage of messages regarding ¬†request after request to become¬†someone’s¬†bitch, breed a 3 legged donkey, join my gang and so on and so fourth.

Strangely¬†enough, I do, from time to time delve into the world of Facebook apps when I manage my “Become a Tycoon” account. Again, small¬†amusement, short lived.

So, why do people spend most of their time playing these apps? I can’t work it out.

Now, I received an email from a very irate person, complaining about  my views about this subject.
After explaining to this moron that;
a) these are my own personal views, like it or lump it and
b) to get a grip and kiss my furry fat arse!
He still didn’t seem to grasp what I was getting at, thusly, I concluded that this person was void of any¬†reasonable¬†logical and in short, a complete dick!

My argument is, if Facebook, is a social networking site whereby you meet old friends, communicate, keep up to date with everyone etc, why the hell would you play games, and make friends with random people that have accepted your request to become a new proud owner of a pet donkey¬†that’s¬†been bred with an electric eel etc

(before anyone tries to be clever, please be warned this is sarcasm, any attempt at trying to correct the comment against scientific biological relevance will have the piss took out of them!)

I have no issues with people doing what they feel, and by all means use Facebook as you see fit. Personally, I will keep the “ignore request” buttons warm!

To close, I ask one thing;

“If Facebook is a place to meet old and new friends, catch up on gossip and generally communicate, would you sit in a pub and play Snakes and ladders, shout someone over and befriend them?”

If the answer is “yes”, clearly you have issues!

As ever, these are my views, don’t like em? email me, like_I_give_a_frig_wot_u_think@rbcsoftware.me.uk

PS. The email link does work (just proving a point)

Sorry… [Please Read]

Sometimes, there are times when action cannot be expressed and words can only follow.
What you are about to read, is how I feel. I am not on the verges of suicide and I am not in need of counselling.
I cannot explain why I wrote this, nor do I wish to try.
I can only say, if it makes sense to you, the reader, then you are the same as I.

Thank you for reading.

Sat here thinking the things I think, I can’t help but wonder.
No, it’s not the beginning of a fancy poem or some other intellectual writings, merely an awakening to hows things were, are and how they will be.

Sometimes, life is hard and it bites back harder than I.
And sometimes the knocks are not so easily returned from. But the small things in life we often take for granted, get left behind, with no hope of being found again.
For this is the place where I find myself at, at this time.
The knocks are hard, and the harshness of bitter words are more hurtful than the sharpest of blades, and yet life continues.
Maybe it is the wine talking through my fingers or just the time where I feel only sorrow, I grasp at these words so dearly.

I’m sorry for the things I’ve done, the things I haven’t and the things I should have.
I am but one person, whos life has been tainted, with whom the closest cannot comprehend.
I’m sorry for the way I act, and the shame I hide.
I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused, and the twisted words I’ve uttered.
I can only explain that, the life I lead is like a sealed chamber, bashing against the sides, trying to be heard, but failing to address the onlookers.
Intolerably lonley whilst in a crowded room, deafened by the silence and blinded by all there is to see.

Whilst some may wonder, what am I talking about, and others may laugh at the words I’ve typed, as anything if life that is to be understood, no-one feels it greater than the one who understands.

And as I type, I could be considered not in a fit state, to wonder if grammer has been adhered to, and that spelling is correct. I just sit here quiet.
Wondering.
Always wondering.”

-Roy-