Here I am again…

I’ve slowly started getting back into my domain again.
I’ve started by blowing the dust of my Ubuntu system, giving it a good clean and update and then started to look at my domain.

Anybody who knows me will tend to realize I am quite a quiet person, who will very rarely share personal thoughts or go into detail about the things that affect me.
Needless to say, this is one of those times again, where I have had to pull myself out off a spell of depression.
I dare say I am not fully out of it, and it is probably one of the longest periods of depression I have faced to date.
I’m not going to go into mega amounts of detail, and I will stress that this and previous posts are not a cry out for help, it’s not a sympathy vote, it is merely the way I cope with things, a release if you will.
Never the less, hopefully, I will be engaging more with the domain and I may end up picking up old software projects and see if I can’t give it a new lease of life.

Right now, I am looking at my site and thinking “does that need to be there”.
I’ve said it before, countless times that the site lacks direction and purpose.

I have too many things on the go and I’m finding it impossible to do it all. From additions to updates I am failing.

So whilst the site itself may seem a little redundant and very little changes, behind the scenes I am tackling the tough decisions of what to keep and what to axe.
The main reason I have that many things on the go with the domain is purely because I like the software. It may sound strange, but I like to learn new things, so installing new software to try out and learn is mainly the reason I do it in the first place.

So, the plan is, is to cut down on the crap, shave down what I’ll keep and stick to some sort of order that is manageable and not critically time-consuming.

As always to the people who regularly visit or contact me, thank you.

I’m still here…

Yes, I am actually here…
Over the past couple of months or so I have been battling with depression again and so much so that I am now on anti-depressants.

Read more I’m still here…

More reasons to prove this country is turning to shit

This idiotic and pathetic government are driving people into poverty, nothing new there.
But a new tactic the DWP have imposed is stricter control over the JSA claimant.
Basically and in short, the DWP can restrict payments if you do not apply for or attend work based activities. In addition if you leave a job voluntarily or be sacked from a job for misconduct, you will have your money stopped for up to 3 years, depending how many times you offended. But, what if you’re sacked from an unscrupulous employee who marks it as gross misconduct etc.
I agree with some of the policy, in regards to people getting JSA but not seeking work, they should be stopped.
The thing I disagree with is the whole JSA agreement. I have (personally) been FORCED into signing an agreement that could/would cause issues at home etc. They have said, as I rely on public transport, they have told me I can travel for up to 90 minutes. This is forcing me to look too far a field, as they think point A to point B is within 90 minutes, but don’t take into consideration the length of the journey, routes the bus takes etc. But if I refuse to look for a job they consider is within 90 minutes or I don’t apply for what they tell me about, they can stop my money. They have even told me that I even have to consider (their word for forced) jobs that finish at 10pm. So worse case scenario, I finish at 10pm, have to travel 90mins so that’s 11.30pm, but considering my bus services’ last bus is 10.30pm, I would be stranded, unable to get home. I couldn’t even ask my wife to pick me up in the car, because we have 2 children that would be in bed.
After all this, these arseholes have had the audacity to say if I am unsuccessful in the work I’m looking for, I will be found work in a factory, and that’s basically tough shit.
So in short, the DWP are forcing people to take jobs they maybe no good at, or have no experience in, that may destroy your family life by stupid and unrealistic travel arrangements and destroy any dreams or aspirations you have of getting the job you want, just so they can ultimately say “unemployment down”.
Personally, I want a job, I don’t like living on benefits. I’ve worked most of my adult life and through no fault of my own I’ve been left without work, and feel degraded because I’m treated like those scroungers that get dole money to get pissed or stoned!
Absolutely disgraceful this country and what its become.
England is turning to shit, thanks to the powers that be…

How many of these can fit into your work?

Business Rules, or at least they can be associated with the job you work in!

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you are the pigeon and most days the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.

I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the fuck is the ceiling?

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Everyone is someone else’s weirdo.

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

Don’t be irreplaceable – if you can’t be replaced, you won’t be promoted.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous’.

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of the cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Proof that light travels faster than sound, someone may look intelligent, until they open their mouth.

Ooops

I’ve just been flicking through my art work part of the site and notice some of the quality of the images are poor. The reason behind this, when I scanned them, being idle as I am, I didn’t take the paper out of the plastic sleeves they were in. Hence the pictures do look grainy.

I will over the next couple of weeks be updating these images and more than likely be adding a few more.

Sorry, its totally unprofessional I know.

Benefits of being female

  1. We got off the titanic first
  2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological discorders
  3. We never premature ejectulate prematurly
  4. We can sing songs from musicals without being questioned about our sexuality
  5. When we buy a vibrator, its glamourous, if blokes buy a blow up doll, its pathetic
  6. We don’t have to get our strength up between sessions, and its easier for us to “get some” in the first place
  7. We can get off with teenagers without being called “dirty old perverts”
  8. We can wear our boyfriends clothes and look sexy, elfin and gorgeous, guys look like prats in ours
  9. We can be groupies, male groupies are stalkers
  10. We don’t look like frogs in a blender when dancing.
  11. We never facied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

Call centre quips!!!

These are sample of actual call centre conversations.
As I work in one, I found these most funny!!!

Customer: ‘I’ve been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?’.
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number from, sir?’.
Customer: ‘It was on the door to the Travel Centre’.
Operator: ‘Sir, they are our opening hours’.
—————————————————————————————————————–
Samsung Electronics
Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about’.
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC  wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think you mean the telephone point on the wall’.
———————————————————————-
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?’
Operator: ‘ Doesn’t the product name give you a clue?’
———————————————————————-
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
‘If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’
———————————————————————-
Directory Enquiries
Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please’.
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off’.
———————————————————————-
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller: ‘Yes. That’s what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ‘.
———————————————————————-
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on’.
———————————————————————-
Tech Support:  ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop’.
Customer: ‘OK’.
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’.
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No’.
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’.
Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click”.
———————————————————————-
Tech Support: ‘OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow. How can you see my screen from there?’
———————————————————————-
Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?’.
———————————————————————- ——————————————-
There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause’.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared.’
Operator: ‘Hmm So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on??’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??’
Caller: ‘Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark??’
Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ‘No? Why not??’
Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power…….. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’
Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too f — ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!’

Customer:     ‘I’ve been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?’.
Operator:     ‘Where did you get that number from, sir?’.
Customer:     ‘It was on the door to the Travel Centre’.
Operator:     ‘Sir, they are our opening hours’.