Hello there… 

As you can probably tell,  I aint been doing much in the way of keeping this blog up to date. 

Truth be known, I have been hard at working planning, prepping and generally editing RBCJ Hub v2. I have literally been “burning the candles” at both ends over these last few months. 

All this couples with the kids being off school due to summer break and visiting the hospital,  it’s been exhausting. 

On that note,  I’m off to bed as it’s  2.28am and I’ve got (yet another)  blood test at the hospital. 

I’m still here…

Yes, I am actually here…
Over the past couple of months or so I have been battling with depression again and so much so that I am now on anti-depressants.

Read more I’m still here…

One step forward…

two steps back.
Thats how things are feeling at the moment…
Got a lot, and I mean A LOT, swimming around my head at the moment and can’t seem to shake off this low state of mind.

I’ll keep writing as much as I can, purely for my own benefit, it helps get things of my chest.

I just there will be some resolution to all this stress. Its hard to concentrate on even the basic of things, and when all the days feel the same, thats when it starts to get to the point where I thinkg “Why bother!”.
I can’t seem to enjoy things to their fullest at the moment. Still, gotta keep plodding on right?

Not a good evening !

ARRRRRGHHHH!!!!
One of my major hard drives has just failed, and to make matters worse, the backup (on a separate drive) is corrupt for some reason!

So there has been little to no work done on the main site.
Not a happy bunny. I’ve tried everything to get the drive back online but with very little joy.
The disk has reportedly got a corrupt filesystem, but doing what I do, and knowing what I know I cannot get the bugger to work. The only option I now have is to image the drive then recover/search for files :0(

GRRRRR!!!

In a fit of excitment…

well, perhaps not…

Basically, I’ve been having some tunes running through my head and thought this would be great as a hardstyle track. So, I’ve put my other music projects on hold for the moment, and going to be working on a new hardstyle tune.

I’m no expert, but I do like to have a play ;o)

So keep tuned…

British Gas price rise poem

Another crap poem
So British gas have again risen their prices,
yet peoples income get worse into crisis,
To keep warm in the cold is hard, its a chore,
And the bullshit to justify is especially a bore
So here’s a message, said firm but quite gently
To the man, the director, the one they call bentley
Tis the time of winter and this rise is a farce
But rest assured dear sir, you can shove my winter bill right up your fat….

Sorry… [Please Read]

Sometimes, there are times when action cannot be expressed and words can only follow.
What you are about to read, is how I feel. I am not on the verges of suicide and I am not in need of counselling.
I cannot explain why I wrote this, nor do I wish to try.
I can only say, if it makes sense to you, the reader, then you are the same as I.

Thank you for reading.

Sat here thinking the things I think, I can’t help but wonder.
No, it’s not the beginning of a fancy poem or some other intellectual writings, merely an awakening to hows things were, are and how they will be.

Sometimes, life is hard and it bites back harder than I.
And sometimes the knocks are not so easily returned from. But the small things in life we often take for granted, get left behind, with no hope of being found again.
For this is the place where I find myself at, at this time.
The knocks are hard, and the harshness of bitter words are more hurtful than the sharpest of blades, and yet life continues.
Maybe it is the wine talking through my fingers or just the time where I feel only sorrow, I grasp at these words so dearly.

I’m sorry for the things I’ve done, the things I haven’t and the things I should have.
I am but one person, whos life has been tainted, with whom the closest cannot comprehend.
I’m sorry for the way I act, and the shame I hide.
I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused, and the twisted words I’ve uttered.
I can only explain that, the life I lead is like a sealed chamber, bashing against the sides, trying to be heard, but failing to address the onlookers.
Intolerably lonley whilst in a crowded room, deafened by the silence and blinded by all there is to see.

Whilst some may wonder, what am I talking about, and others may laugh at the words I’ve typed, as anything if life that is to be understood, no-one feels it greater than the one who understands.

And as I type, I could be considered not in a fit state, to wonder if grammer has been adhered to, and that spelling is correct. I just sit here quiet.
Wondering.
Always wondering.”

-Roy-