Fed up…as per…

I am so sick of being tired all day, resisting as much as I can not to “nap”, then when it gets to 9pm or so, feeling so tired I could sleep for a month, then “BOOM”, my brain fully engages in what ever it decides to, to prevent me from switching off and going to sleep.

We bought a new bed recently, and I haven’t even spent one night in it yet. I’m getting so effed of with it, its getting me down.

My brain wants to shutdown at the wrong times, and insist on keeping me awake when I should be sleeping.

“ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

I’ve tried sleep aids and they do feck all, I’ve tried drinking alcohol to make me pass out and that doesn’t seem to work (properly) either.
I’m fed up of it now, all I want to be able to do is switch off, go to a nice warm bed and go asleep without waking until morning (and not disturbing anybody else with (perhaps lol) snoring)….

 

Ok, this is going to be a first, but…

This post has been written whilst I’ve been steaming pissed, so, apologies for spelling, grammatical and moral mistakes. By moral mistakes, I mean the high chance of swear words.

If people want to know and understand the reason for my depression, it is simple. I’m scared.

I’m scared of what this world is becoming, maybe not for me, but for my kids. With everything going on in the world, terrorism, in-school violence and just generally the shitty attitude people adopt to each other makes this world a scary place.

We read constantly about the threat of terrorist attacks, the so called Russian threats etc etc, and I’m sick of it to the point it weighs heavy.

I’ve been fearful of writing this post for sometime and this will also explain the lack of motivation for doing anything.
I’ve said before, that this blog is my psychological outlet, and though it doesn’t get updated much, I vent a lot of frustration, anger and fear through this blog.

With recent attacks in Paris, France and the threats of more to come, it worries me, it worries me to the point that things get neglected.
Currently, I find it difficult to concentrate on most things, and the simplest of “online” tasks become arduous and increasingly frustrating.

Depression is a very difficult thing to talk about, and in my situation, I am trying my best to do what I need to do.

I have neglected friends and family that have helped me, and please understand, if any of my family and/or friends are reading this, it isn’t intentional and I apologize if you feel that I have ‘used’ you. I haven’t. I am battling with depression.

It’s hard to try and think of what to say without facing ridicule and people wishing to take the piss.
I try my hardest to get through each day, and some are easier than others. I wish people could try and understand, but as I have always said, regards depression, no-one feels it more than the person going through it. What one person thinks is ‘ok’, another thinks it is the worst thing ever. You are trapped in your own bubble of sadness, often feeling guilty for feeling emotions such as joy which then brings you back down again.

I can’t even begin to ask people to understand, nor can I write exactly how I feel.
To the people who know me, I thank you for your support, despite my rejections.

I’m sat here at my keyboard, not knowing what to type, and thinking if the stuff that I already have written makes any sense.

I’ll close this post with the explanation that as I have previously said, it’s not a cry for help, I’m not suicidal, I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want anything but to feel ‘normal’, and this is something I need sort on my own. I have a loving family and so far, this is/has been enough to get me through each day as much as I do.

Please don’t treat me any different, please don’t ask me to explain face-to-face and please don’t judge me. My feelings are my own and I don’t expect people to fully understand them, but I ask they respect them no matter how odd or confusing they maybe.

Again, apologies to the grammar/spelling police, and certainly for any profanities.

~ Roy

I’m still here…

Yes, I am actually here…
Over the past couple of months or so I have been battling with depression again and so much so that I am now on anti-depressants.

Read more I’m still here…

One step forward…

two steps back.
Thats how things are feeling at the moment…
Got a lot, and I mean A LOT, swimming around my head at the moment and can’t seem to shake off this low state of mind.

I’ll keep writing as much as I can, purely for my own benefit, it helps get things of my chest.

I just there will be some resolution to all this stress. Its hard to concentrate on even the basic of things, and when all the days feel the same, thats when it starts to get to the point where I thinkg “Why bother!”.
I can’t seem to enjoy things to their fullest at the moment. Still, gotta keep plodding on right?

Playstation Network woes…

So, FINALLY, Sony admit they were hacked, and although there has been much speculation of what has actually happened, they now say that user details including User name, address, credit card details etc, in fact everything you entered for the PSN could potentially have been stolen.

The BBC reports that there has been a mixed responses from PSN Users stating that Sony have been keeping people in the dark about this, especially for so long no, then other saying they have.
My rant on it is simply “Whatever!”

I can’t be arsed with this, as I have a lot on my plate at the moment and despite I started the post with the PSN issue, I’m really not that interested.

Read more Playstation Network woes…

The Masterbater Song

Sung to the tune of Macarana!

Sitting in my house, and I know that I’m alone,
feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bone,
go and grab a Penthouse, its the one with Sharon Stone
Hey Masturbata!

I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nice,
once ain’t enough so I have to do it twice.
If you wanna spank the monkey, I can give you good advice
Hey Masturbata!

I use some baby oil or a little Vaseline,
laying down a towel so I keep my carpet clean
Never shake my hand cause you don’t know where it’s been
Hey Masturbata!

I do it in the car when I’m driving down the street,
one hand on the wheel and the other on my meat.
I can’t get outs the car cause I’m sticking to the seat
Hey Masturbata!

Since I was a kid I have been a masturbater,
choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomato
I’ve looked at Ms. Novenber now I’m gonna decorate her
Hey Masturbata!

Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacon,
pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I’m makin’.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achin’.
Hey masturbata!

This was actually a song an American Radio DJ wrote. I dont which is worst, the fact someone has actually sat down and thought of the lyrics or the fact the topic he chose to sing about!!!