Ok, this is going to be a first, but…

This post has been written whilst I’ve been steaming pissed, so, apologies for spelling, grammatical and moral mistakes. By moral mistakes, I mean the high chance of swear words.

If people want to know and understand the reason for my depression, it is simple. I’m scared.

I’m scared of what this world is becoming, maybe not for me, but for my kids. With everything going on in the world, terrorism, in-school violence and just generally the shitty attitude people adopt to each other makes this world a scary place.

We read constantly about the threat of terrorist attacks, the so called Russian threats etc etc, and I’m sick of it to the point it weighs heavy.

I’ve been fearful of writing this post for sometime and this will also explain the lack of motivation for doing anything.
I’ve said before, that this blog is my psychological outlet, and though it doesn’t get updated much, I vent a lot of frustration, anger and fear through this blog.

With recent attacks in Paris, France and the threats of more to come, it worries me, it worries me to the point that things get neglected.
Currently, I find it difficult to concentrate on most things, and the simplest of “online” tasks become arduous and increasingly frustrating.

Depression is a very difficult thing to talk about, and in my situation, I am trying my best to do what I need to do.

I have neglected friends and family that have helped me, and please understand, if any of my family and/or friends are reading this, it isn’t intentional and I apologize if you feel that I have ‘used’ you. I haven’t. I am battling with depression.

It’s hard to try and think of what to say without facing ridicule and people wishing to take the piss.
I try my hardest to get through each day, and some are easier than others. I wish people could try and understand, but as I have always said, regards depression, no-one feels it more than the person going through it. What one person thinks is ‘ok’, another thinks it is the worst thing ever. You are trapped in your own bubble of sadness, often feeling guilty for feeling emotions such as joy which then brings you back down again.

I can’t even begin to ask people to understand, nor can I write exactly how I feel.
To the people who know me, I thank you for your support, despite my rejections.

I’m sat here at my keyboard, not knowing what to type, and thinking if the stuff that I already have written makes any sense.

I’ll close this post with the explanation that as I have previously said, it’s not a cry for help, I’m not suicidal, I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want anything but to feel ‘normal’, and this is something I need sort on my own. I have a loving family and so far, this is/has been enough to get me through each day as much as I do.

Please don’t treat me any different, please don’t ask me to explain face-to-face and please don’t judge me. My feelings are my own and I don’t expect people to fully understand them, but I ask they respect them no matter how odd or confusing they maybe.

Again, apologies to the grammar/spelling police, and certainly for any profanities.

~ Roy

I’m still here…

Yes, I am actually here…
Over the past couple of months or so I have been battling with depression again and so much so that I am now on anti-depressants.

Read more I’m still here…

Silence

Yes, silence.
My online activities are being kept to a very extreme minimum. The reasons is I have a lot on my plate at the moment and certainly I don’t have the motivation at present.
I’m just a little stressed at the moment with a lot of things and I just need some time to work and think things through.
I’m having sleepless/restless nights and can’t seem to work out what the problem is. Personally I just think it’s an amalgamation of things with no predominant individual issue.
Certainly Facebook will have very limited to know posts, only what get piggy-backed through Twitter to this domain to Facebook.

I’m ok in myself, it maybe the weather that’s getting me down, I don’t know!

Anywhoo, I’m just thinking of the little things at the moment to get me through each day. I make it sound like I’m a manic depressive, but I’m not, just a little down perhaps.

On a slightly brighter note, I must say a massive thank you to all my friends, relatives and supporters of the site. Last month has shows well over 93,000 visits according to my hosting site stats (don’t ask me why the display at the bottom shows incorrect amounts, although this figure is a combined total from all sub-domains etc!!!)
But anyway a massive MASSIVE thank you to you all.

Other news, a good friend of mine Deano aka DJ Flight maybe settling down and living I’m Canada after he fell in love with the place, when he recently went over to visit his aunt (well to be fair, at time of writing, he’s still there)
Either way, Deano has assured me he will be having more of an input into the sites content and generally commenting on my blogs.
Whatever you choose to do mate, all the best!

If I don’t get a chance, have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year!