British Gas price rise poem

Another crap poem
So British gas have again risen their prices,
yet peoples income get worse into crisis,
To keep warm in the cold is hard, its a chore,
And the bullshit to justify is especially a bore
So here’s a message, said firm but quite gently
To the man, the director, the one they call bentley
Tis the time of winter and this rise is a farce
But rest assured dear sir, you can shove my winter bill right up your fat….

Its one of those posts again…

Yup, thats right!
Its one of those posts where all I do is piss and moan for about ten minutes just to air things and get them off my chest.

First, I cant believe how utterly self centred, egotistical, self-righteous and “up their own arse” some people can get.
This is aimed at no one in particular, but certainly to some people I know.
What gives these people the right to act the way they do?
Are they so morbidly stupid?
These people, who couldn’t find their arse with both hands and a diagram totally eludes me.
How the hell they have got through life is beyond me.

Its bad enough to endure these arseholes, but then to read the shite they write on social networking sites, or even on my blog wall, thats another thing!

So if you know of an arsehole, or you are one;
“Stop breathing, for chuff’s sake!”

Which brings me to my next bit of rant tackle.
I recently, well, a couple of months ago recieved an email, slagging me off, and my site etc.

So please excuse the language, but this is word for word this guys email.
Firstly, a bit of background. This guy with the username of “CandyFlosser” actual name of Lee (Surname omitted) emails me.
Again, word for word…

CandyFlosser:
“Yours site is the worst I have ever cum acros. I surfed in from Google expecting something major about what I was searching for.
All you do is write bolox, complaining about everything. I dont understand how you can get away with riting this and then putting onto the net where you show yourself up.
This is a watse of space and your site should be brought down coz its wank!
I’ve seen your photos and you are a right ugly bastard and you need shooting and you art work is shit as well. I can draw better than that in fact my dog cud!
I’m not wasting anymore time on this matter but to finish;

Your site is nothing more than bullshit, by someone who talks shit and eats shit”

My reponse:
“Interestingly enough, the way that you conduct yourself within email is nothing short of comical. Lets put aside for one moment, the spelling mistakes, grammer issues and the non-sensical crap, lets look at the points here.

1) You write bolox. True, because I can! It is my domain, my blog therefore I write what I want. You see how this works?
2) You show yourself up?! Well, having broadcast your email on here, I think my reign as “person showing themselves up” is under threat from your good self.
3) I’ve seen your photos and you are a right ugly bastard and you need shooting. Before we delve into the realms of who looks like what/who, lets have a photo of yourself. Hell, I might even be able to compare myself to you!
4) you art work is shit as well Assuming you mean “your” art work is shit, it may well be, I’m just sharing what I can do. Did I also mention I can fart the national anthem?

In short, Mr CandyTosser, (oops sorry, even I slip on the keyboard every now and again!), in light of the fact that you are mentally flawed I shall try and explain this to the best of YOUR ability.
Having colated the facts, it is apparent that you are nothing more than a boy, sat in his bedroom, bored due to having no friends or a social life. As a caring person my first instinct would be to protect you from yourself. However, after much though I have decided to shoot you down!
I must commend the fact that even with someone with the same intellectual capacity as a clothes peg, such as yourself, it is worth knowing and recognizing that you have been able to write such simple words, and almost make them make sense.
You have clearly taken time to visit my site, navigate through what I have to offer and made your feelings known. But, the main thing you have failed to realize, thanks to people such as your good self I get paid. So a hearty handshake and a “Thank you” goes out to you.
I never confess to being something I am not. I am no model, or super star nor a great artist or composer, I am merely me.

Anyway Lee (surname omitted), I have done a little research and found you on MySpace (and you call me ugly, geez man!), and for your convenience I have passed on your details to your ISP as I have lodged a complaint with them, explaining that you are abusing their service.

Thank you for taking time out to email me and give me something to do and muse about. I hope santa brings everything you want the Christmas, providing you’ve been a good boy.
Kindest regards

Roy

PS. Didn’t like to mention it but have you ever considered counselling, or maybe getting out more?”

So there you have it my friends. Proof that arseholes exist…Case closed!