Ok, this is going to be a first, but…

This post has been written whilst I’ve been steaming pissed, so, apologies for spelling, grammatical and moral mistakes. By moral mistakes, I mean the high chance of swear words.

If people want to know and understand the reason for my depression, it is simple. I’m scared.

I’m scared of what this world is becoming, maybe not for me, but for my kids. With everything going on in the world, terrorism, in-school violence and just generally the shitty attitude people adopt to each other makes this world a scary place.

We read constantly about the threat of terrorist attacks, the so called Russian threats etc etc, and I’m sick of it to the point it weighs heavy.

I’ve been fearful of writing this post for sometime and this will also explain the lack of motivation for doing anything.
I’ve said before, that this blog is my psychological outlet, and though it doesn’t get updated much, I vent a lot of frustration, anger and fear through this blog.

With recent attacks in Paris, France and the threats of more to come, it worries me, it worries me to the point that things get neglected.
Currently, I find it difficult to concentrate on most things, and the simplest of “online” tasks become arduous and increasingly frustrating.

Depression is a very difficult thing to talk about, and in my situation, I am trying my best to do what I need to do.

I have neglected friends and family that have helped me, and please understand, if any of my family and/or friends are reading this, it isn’t intentional and I apologize if you feel that I have ‘used’ you. I haven’t. I am battling with depression.

It’s hard to try and think of what to say without facing ridicule and people wishing to take the piss.
I try my hardest to get through each day, and some are easier than others. I wish people could try and understand, but as I have always said, regards depression, no-one feels it more than the person going through it. What one person thinks is ‘ok’, another thinks it is the worst thing ever. You are trapped in your own bubble of sadness, often feeling guilty for feeling emotions such as joy which then brings you back down again.

I can’t even begin to ask people to understand, nor can I write exactly how I feel.
To the people who know me, I thank you for your support, despite my rejections.

I’m sat here at my keyboard, not knowing what to type, and thinking if the stuff that I already have written makes any sense.

I’ll close this post with the explanation that as I have previously said, it’s not a cry for help, I’m not suicidal, I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want anything but to feel ‘normal’, and this is something I need sort on my own. I have a loving family and so far, this is/has been enough to get me through each day as much as I do.

Please don’t treat me any different, please don’t ask me to explain face-to-face and please don’t judge me. My feelings are my own and I don’t expect people to fully understand them, but I ask they respect them no matter how odd or confusing they maybe.

Again, apologies to the grammar/spelling police, and certainly for any profanities.

~ Roy

I’m still here…

For the past couple of months, well, about six months to be precise, I have found it increasingly difficult to motivate myself to do anything across the whole of my domain.

Personal health has been one of the biggest factors causing this period of inactivity, but amongst that, I am suffering from a kind of depression I find difficult to talk about, as to some it would probably sound silly.
Nevertheless, it is this amongst a few other issues that are causing me to show very little interest at the moment.

So what will happen to RBCJ Hub?
To be honest, I have not yet thought deeply into it much, purely for the same reasons as above.
However, for the meantime, the pages of RBCJHub will remain open and active until such time I am able to give a clear and decisive action.

I hope that for the moment people will at least try and understand without prejudice and continue to visit for whatever reason you choose. As I have done today, I will try at some point(s) to keep you all updated, but for now, thanks for visiting…

Roy
~ The Creator

Its been a while…

Todays post is not about the site etc, more of something a little bit strange. Possibly even paranormal, who knows.
Read more Its been a while…

It’s been a while…

Yeah, it has really
With everything going on in my life at the moment, I haven’t had time to scratch my arse let alone update anything

However, RBCJ Hub is being prepped for a major update. From the 1st of December 2012 phase 1 will begin, which means the site will be offline for a while.
Updates and messages will appear on the main page and certainly any pertinent news and updates will appear on here.
I have no idea as yet as to the timescale the hub will be offline, but hopefully as part of phase 1, I should have some clearer idea during this time.

That’s all the news I have for today folks.
Thanks for visiting and as usual, please keep coming back for more updates and offerings.

Roy

I am absolutely fuming to say the least…

As people close to me may know, a member of my family (father) is going through the agonising torment that is an ATOS medical.
In short, anyone that is looking at migrating the Incapacity Benefit over to ESA (Employment Support Allowance) have to go through a shambolic medical assessment.
The so called medical professional, have done nothing short of lie, fabricated and twist anything and everything they could on father’s assessment.

It is disgusting the shear depths they will goto to prevent someone from claiming this benefit. The assessor my father had the misfortune to encounter came across as the perfect medical assessor. Curtious, polite and even seemed to show empathy for my father’s condition, even “cried” at one stage. Turns out she was a total bitch, clever in deception and clearly thinking of the pound signs. Words can’t express the anger and hatred I feel towards that smug little bitch behind her desk….grrrrrr
Anyway, we recieved the ESA85, the form that this, person, had compiled.
To name a few “problems” with the report;

  • Wrongly documenting my father medication, purposely I might add. Medication was shown which included dosage, type and side effects. Medication was halfed, and “apparently” no side effects for the type of medication.
  • Assumed on several points what my father is capable of, under the mental cognitive descriptors, some never even answered on the form.
  • Inconsistant and misleading information entered onto form, such as; Able to walk 200 metres with 5-6 stops at 5 minutes rest time, but then later suggests can walk 400 metres with 6-7 stops at 5 minutes rest time…You work out the math on that one.
  • Assumed that my Father takes my children (at time of writing 8 years old and 8 month old) to the park to play. A couple of points there; A) He’s my father, I love him to bits, but there is no way in hell would I allow him to take my children to the park. B) My father would be unable to supervise or play with them and be aware of dangers to himself, never mind my children.
  • Assumed that my father is able to do 2 consecutive personal actions without problems. One example I have that my father is unable to do, seperate washing in to appropriate loads ie color, temp types etc, then take the to the washing machine and set the program. Another example, looking in the fridge or pantry etc, noticing what items are needed, jotting them down then going to the shops and getting the items from the list.
  • Lies, of one example “suffers from breathing difficulties as a result of an operation in regards to a Haitus Hernia, no specialist input”, yet on the next line “Has a prescribed inhaler for breathing difficulties.” How the hell can you not have specialist input, and get a PRESCRIBED inhaler? Also, my father has regular “Breathing” reviews regards to this condition.
  • Apparently is able to write short messages and convey them to strangers. A) Not sure how they tested this one, as my father was never asked or completed a “test” to jog anything down, or relate that information back. But in short, my father cannot even have a conversation and tell you five minutes later what it was about.

In short, the list goes on.
I’ve also read today that those arseholes at ATOS are getting bonuses for getting people thrown off benefits, in addition, these so called heath-care professionals are not qualified in the field they are supposed to when dealing with clients, ie Mental Registered Nurse for clients with mental disorders etc. But try questioning one of the qualifications and you’re asking for a whole heap of trouble.
They are systematically destroying people’s lives.
This country has gone to shit since this new coalition came in.
I don’t normally swear in extreme ways, but they are total fucking bastards!

If anyone out there reading this post in in the UK and going through the hellish onslaught of these self-centred, greedy & heartless bastards, and needing help, please visit;
dwpexamination.org
They offer a world of expertise and experience from people who have gone through these problems, and certainly the people on there are an invaluable resource for dealing with these bastards.

I know I’m not doing this for myself, but certainly, I’m really feeling the stress of it all. If I’m being brutally honest, I think my dad will end up back in hospital. Not a nice thought.

Grrr

Portal has totally bottomed out. Server time out issues causing problems accessing the site. Unfortunately, this also happened in the middle of an upgrade. I don’t yet know if I can resolve this issue or even verify the upgrade was successful, until the intermittent server side problems are resolved.
It’s really frustrating as I cannot do anything until morning, so I’m left with a non-function site overnight :0(
A ticket has been raised with provider, I know it’s not anyones fault, but its just so head bangingly frustrating…
Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

Reponses and such things

Hi all, long time no speaky communication thingie!

Truth is, as ever, I’m just so damn busy with everything

One thing I have noticed, but not done anything about is the posts from other people visiting from other places and how I dont acknowledge them.
So firstly, a massive apology for this, but from now on, please expect a response as I approve the comments. Its nice to get feedback (good or bad) from people who visit and bother to write, but totally ignorant of me not to comment back…

Secondly, I mentioned and touched upon things a couple of weeks ago about disbanding parts of the site etc and introducing this that and the other. Well, I currently under way with this you’ll be pleased to know, and hopefully things will be getting processed and updating as it happens.

So, thanks for keep coming back and visiting folks, and please keep coming back for these updates…

– Roy

New Year, New Start, New Headache!

So far, 2011 has been nothing but troubles!
Still, on a brighter note, the Defiance website is almost ready to go live, and a number of issues from 2010 have been sorted!

Read more New Year, New Start, New Headache!

Updates…

As many of you will have already seen RBCSoftware.co.uk (the landingpage) is now up and running. It will be the source or gateway if you will, to all things RBCSoftware, whether it be The Blog! (this thing your reading now, (which as been renamed The Blog!)), my art work, my music or store (still under development at time of writing).

Along side this, I have also setup and additional site (www.rbcsoftware.co.cc) which, once integrate will be replacing my Error 404 pages etc.

A few minor adjustment to the Blog! has also taken place, namely navigation and a few tweaks here and there with the look.

As always, I hope you like what I have to offer, and keep coming back for new things. Again, please update your bookmarks etc to www.rbcsoftware.co.uk which is the new landing page/gateway.

Onto slightly more, morbid news, due to personal issues, certain things cannot be completed the way I intended, I know what your probably all thinking “Same old story”, but as with anything in life, nothing is certain, and even the best laid plans can go “tits” up.

So, over time, things will start to change/disappear from the site in a bid to make the whole of RBCSoftware Domain easier to cope with.
As previously mentioned, this was largely a “rota” system I was going to put in place so I had “dedicated” chucks of time to the whole operation. I have tried to get other people involved to help out, but unfortunately, the ones who said initially that they could help, no longer can.

That’s life I’m afraid, so the whole “caboodle” is down to me, the updates, the maintenance, the uploading, sorting you name it, I do it.

So please be patient, I do have a lot to offer, but it takes time.
Thanks in advance for all your support, the constant visitors and emails I receive are allows a big “pusher” on motivation.

Back soon…

Roy

PS. As you have may have seen, there are a number of posts that dont seem to make sense. These are becomes they are snippets from my responses to a good friend Deano aka DJ Flight regards to his recent activities. In sort, Deano is fed up and tired of the crappy English weather and decided at a “drop of a hat” to sod off to Canada to see his Auntie…must be nice huh?
Anyway, Deano, if your reading this, have a good trip dood.