I’m still here…

For the past couple of months, well, about six months to be precise, I have found it increasingly difficult to motivate myself to do anything across the whole of my domain.

Personal health has been one of the biggest factors causing this period of inactivity, but amongst that, I am suffering from a kind of depression I find difficult to talk about, as to some it would probably sound silly.
Nevertheless, it is this amongst a few other issues that are causing me to show very little interest at the moment.

So what will happen to RBCJ Hub?
To be honest, I have not yet thought deeply into it much, purely for the same reasons as above.
However, for the meantime, the pages of RBCJHub will remain open and active until such time I am able to give a clear and decisive action.

I hope that for the moment people will at least try and understand without prejudice and continue to visit for whatever reason you choose. As I have done today, I will try at some point(s) to keep you all updated, but for now, thanks for visiting…

Roy
~ The Creator

Where have I been???

If you been over to RBCJ-Hub lately, you will have seen a post where I touched briefly about how everything about the site etc has suffered due to ill health.

I thought I would update in more detail as to the situation.

A couple of weeks ago, I woke up struggling to breath, and every time I tried to walk anywhere, I had severe pains in my chest and side causing me to quickly get out of breath.

Panicking, I asked my wife to ring 101. The paramedic arrived and did all the routine checks etc, after about 10 minutes the ambulance crew arrived and after a short conflab with the paramedic, they decided to give me gas and air to relieve the pain, alongside codeine & paracetamol.

The pain subsided enough for me to board the ambulance and be taken to Barnsley General Hospital.
On the way, I asked what the problem could be (as rather stupidly, I left it and left it thinking it was a chest infection, lesson learned!).
Of course, they could only speculate with the symptoms I had described.

Waiting in A&E for what seemed like an eternity with my brother (god bless him for coming and meeting me at hospital) I was told I needed several blood tests.
I can’t really say what I thought, but to put it politely, I thought “Oh dear”.
After 35 years, this was my first ever blood test, and I’m scared of needles…
Now I will just clarify something, I say I am scared of needles and certainly the first thing the doctor said,
“How can you be scared of needles when you have tattoos?”, and simply my reply was, “I was pissed!”

In short, throughout the course of the day, I had 8 needles! (not much to some, but enough for me).
Trying to get blood from my wrists to test blood gases (or something like that) and blood from my arms. The reason I had so many, was, well, in short they couldn’t find a suitable vein lol…

After spending 10 and a half hours in hospital (A&E (Accident and Emergency) and AMU (Acute medical unit)) I was sent home. Yey…or not.

The suspicion of blood clots was believed to be the cause of everything, but they could not confirm this at that moment.
As they suspected blood clots, they had to treat me as such and start treatment right away to get a “head start”. In addition, I had to go to DVT for a daily blood test to monitor my INR (international normalized ratio).
Click here for more information on INR.
My INR was very low, 1.1 in fact, my therapeutic range is between 2-3. My blood was too thick, so I was given a regular (daily) injection into my stomach of Clexane. Great, more needles…

After a week or so of this action being taken, I had to have a scan on my lungs which involved laying flat on a ‘table’ and have a very noisy ‘polo mint’ type machine scan my lungs after they had injected me with a special (radioactive) dye.
The medical staff’s suspicion was confirmed. I have indeed got blood clots on both my lungs and I had suffered a Pulmonary Embolism.

Anyway…Having overcome my fear of needles (and pretty bloody quickly! (no pun intended)), as mentioned, I now have to attend regular blood tests to continue monitoring my INR, and continue on a prescribed anti-coagulant ‘Warfarin’.
So far my INR has fluctuated from 1.1 to 4.0 over the last month, but at least I am only having to go to hospital about once or twice a week now.

So, there you have it. My month in a nutshell…
Despite the seriousness of the condition, I am quite well in myself. I have a few pains and twinges now and again, occasionally I have to walk with a stick to support myself if I get breathless when I’m out and about, but other than that I am fine.

Just as a side note, after 6 months I have to be screened for something called “Factor 5 Leiden“, which is a genetically inherited blood disorder. It basically means, my blood is trying constantly to clot.

Sorry… [Please Read]

Sometimes, there are times when action cannot be expressed and words can only follow.
What you are about to read, is how I feel. I am not on the verges of suicide and I am not in need of counselling.
I cannot explain why I wrote this, nor do I wish to try.
I can only say, if it makes sense to you, the reader, then you are the same as I.

Thank you for reading.

Sat here thinking the things I think, I can’t help but wonder.
No, it’s not the beginning of a fancy poem or some other intellectual writings, merely an awakening to hows things were, are and how they will be.

Sometimes, life is hard and it bites back harder than I.
And sometimes the knocks are not so easily returned from. But the small things in life we often take for granted, get left behind, with no hope of being found again.
For this is the place where I find myself at, at this time.
The knocks are hard, and the harshness of bitter words are more hurtful than the sharpest of blades, and yet life continues.
Maybe it is the wine talking through my fingers or just the time where I feel only sorrow, I grasp at these words so dearly.

I’m sorry for the things I’ve done, the things I haven’t and the things I should have.
I am but one person, whos life has been tainted, with whom the closest cannot comprehend.
I’m sorry for the way I act, and the shame I hide.
I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused, and the twisted words I’ve uttered.
I can only explain that, the life I lead is like a sealed chamber, bashing against the sides, trying to be heard, but failing to address the onlookers.
Intolerably lonley whilst in a crowded room, deafened by the silence and blinded by all there is to see.

Whilst some may wonder, what am I talking about, and others may laugh at the words I’ve typed, as anything if life that is to be understood, no-one feels it greater than the one who understands.

And as I type, I could be considered not in a fit state, to wonder if grammer has been adhered to, and that spelling is correct. I just sit here quiet.
Wondering.
Always wondering.”

-Roy-

Laws of Computing

  1. When computing, whatever happens, behave like you meant it to happen
  2. When you get to the point you really understand computers, its obsolete
  3. When the going gets tough, upgrade!
  4. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction
  5. To error is human, to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human.
  6. He who laughs last, probably made a backup
  7. If at first you don’t succeed, blame your server
  8. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine
  9. The number one cause for computer problems, is computer solutions
  10. A computer program will always do what  you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do